Friday, December 08, 2006

Moving out...

This blog is moving to www.myspace.com/biserbyt. See you there!!!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Water Closet Royale

KGB isn't restricting its operations to London, baby. There after me for sure... It's been a shit house these last days. Quite literally. First of all I've been up to my tits in shite at work. Actually, up to my boss' tits: it's mostly his manure anyway and since he's only 4'1" it doesn't take all that much excrement to reach said tits. If you ever wanted to make a Smurf porn movie, I'll get you his number. But anyway, Wednesday evening I was about to explode since the crap-o-meter had reached overload at around lunchtime. My head was absolutely throbbing. That evening I went for a quick bite at the veggie fast food (that just spells disaster doesn't it...) and had a forest mushroom tagliatelle. I was hoping that the copious intake of mushrooms might expand my mind but to no avail. Something did expand though... That morning I awoke very much like Ronald Reagan in the Land of Confusion-video (not with an old tart next to me, but bathing in my own sweat...). Thought I'd be fine, but by the time I reached work, my stomach contracted again and my rear cargo hull discharged its dilithium crystals with an ease that would have made Scotty grasp for air. I'm sure some of Poetins agents poisoned my tagliatelle. I've got the hairdo, don't I?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

And they lived happely ever after

You just know that’s how the story ends. It always does, doesn’t it.
In stead of telling you what really happened – they lived in excruciating agony for about five years, then he took to the drink and came home early, pissed as a fart only to find her sucking the milkmans vainy pecker after which a bitter divorce ensued over who could have the Vectra. They never tell you that, do they ?
They just serve you the same warmed up horse shite over and over again. Boy meets girl, girl plays hard to get, but it all works out in the end.
Ok, maybe Bill threw us something of a curve ball with his Verona lovers. But he’s not fooling anybody, is he. An Englishman telling us about boiling, hot Latino loving. Surely not. Bare table leggs are enough to arouse your average Brit’s sexual ardour. And they are going to explain to us the basic rules of the Art of making the beast with the two backs ?
Romeo and Julliet, huh ;? What about the black dude. I’m sure little Juliet didn’t mind Mercutio Junior (probably not SO Junior) being introduced to her. Once you go black, you don’t go back. Anyway, Mr. Shakespeare didn’t do his research properly. I know a thing or two about Italian love.

One : All Italians have a serious Oedepus-complex. They only love la mama, that’s why they live with them ‘till they’re sixty-five. Freud would have had a field day with each and every one of these suckers. Paolo Maldini has won more heroïc battles in San Siro then Russell Maximus Meridius ever did in Germania, but you can bet your rear-end that Paolo still shits his knickers when he has to tell la mama he lost to Internazionale.
Two: Italian women are very much like Italian cars. Beautiful curves, amazing red exteriour, loads of shiny knobs you just want to fiddle with : in other words a very smooth ride. Only, once they hit forty-five it all goes horribly wrong. They’re impossible to handle, make the most frightening noises and you have to pay rediculous amounts of money on spare parts if you don’t want to be the joke of the neighbourhood. And I’m not talking about the cars here. My conclusion : Italian love is very overated and shouldn’t ever be the starting point for a universal love story.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Stiiiiiiiiii-raike trie

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours, but I think that God 's got a sick sense of humour... Three grandparents who have a stroke in three weeks times. Fuck you , asshole!!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I saw Marc Reynebeau

Damn, he IS ugly

Monday, November 13, 2006

The picture of Dorian Gray

Can you picture yourself in those that came before you? Will your life lead you along the paths they walked and will your journey wind along the same predictable road? Will you remember the turning points: your firstborn, the day your wife died, the day you realised you saw your grandson for the very last time? Will he realise it? Will it matter? Will you be forgiven when you reach your final destination? Will the wrinkles in your face be of age, of pain , of anger? Will you want to realise your time is up? Will you perish like them, helpless and painfully aware that you have been forsaken? Will those that have forsaken you, leave you for leaving them? Will you be ashamed of your helplessness, but still to proud to ask for help? Will you feel that life has treated you well? Will you hope for better things to come? Will you want her to go first? Will you want to be alone or will you want them by your side? When you die, you'll wonder: "Was that it?". Will you think of how you wished you'd lived? Well you're here now, yes, you're here now...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

We don't need no water
Let her burn

Belzebozo just applied for planning permission. He's gonna build you an extra wing, with splendid views on the Lake of Fire. I will not forget this...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Tssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Yeah right!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Antarctic Ice Shelf Collapse Tied to Global Warming

Scientists on Monday reported the first direct evidence linking the 2002 collapse of an Antarctic ice shelf to global warming. The researchers found that stronger westerly winds in the northern Antarctic Peninsula, fueled primarily by human-induced climate change, were responsible for the dramatic summer warming that led to the retreat and collapse of the Larsen B ice shelf.
"This is the first time that anyone has been able to demonstrate a physical process directly linking the break-up of the Larsen Ice Shelf to human activity," said lead author Gareth Marshall from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS). The study, by BAS scientists as well as researchers at the University College London's Centre for Polar Observation and Modeling and the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven in Belgium, was published in the "Journal of Climate." The 1,255-square mile ice shelf collapsed into the Weddell Sea over a 35-day period in early 2002. Scientists believe the 220-meter thick shelf had been in place for some 5,000-12,000 years.

In 2002, 720 billion tons of ice sheet has disintegrated in less than a month. Its disintegration was the third recent, sudden collapse of an Antarctic ice shelf, following the collapses of the 618-square mile Larsen A Ice Shelf in 1995 and the 425-square mile Wilkins Ice Shelf in 1998.
The collapses did not affect sea levels - ice shelves are thick plates of ice, fed by glaciers, that float on the ocean around much of Antarctica. But scientists warn that the loss of ice shelves in the region could predicate sea level rise. Ice shelves act hold back glaciers from the sea and keep warmer marine air at a distance from the glaciers. A study released in 2004 revealed that this concern has started to materialize. It found Antarctic glaciers melting and moving more quickly toward the sea in the wake of the collapse of a Larsen B ice shelf, with several of the glaciers moving at up to five times their previous speed.

In this latest study, Marshall and his colleagues report that global warming - and manmade hole in the ozone layer - has changed Antarctic weather patterns. Scientists worldwide are convinced that human emissions of heat-trapping gases released by the burning of fossil fuels are largely responsible for temperature increases over the past century. The western Antarctic Peninsula has showed the biggest increase in temperatures observed anywhere on Earth over the past half-century. Stronger westerly winds are forcing warm air eastward and over the natural barrier created by the Antarctic Peninsula's 1.25 mile-high mountain chain. During the past 40 years the average summer temperatures in this region of the north-east peninsula has been 2.2 degrees Celsius, but on days when warm winds top the mountains of the peninsula, temperatures rise by 5 to 10 degrees Celsius, the researchers said. This warming created the conditions that allowed the drainage of melt-water into crevasses on the Larsen Ice Shelf, a key process that led to its break-up in 2002.
"Climate change does not impact our planet evenly - it changes weather patterns in a complex way that takes detailed research and computer modeling techniques to unravel," Marshall said. "What we've observed at one of the planet's more remote regions is a regional amplifying mechanism that led to the dramatic climate change we see over the Antarctic Peninsula."

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Question mark

Why did I bother writing this? Why do you bother reading this? Why do the first three sentences of this post start with? Why is this not a rethorical question? Why? Why? Why? Delilah. Why is the penultimate letter of our alphabeth. Why you little... Aaaargh. Is there life after death? Is there life before death? Why do French call it 'le petit mort'. Does actual death really feel as if you've just jacked off? Does actual death really feel as if you jacked off a second time? Why is it called jack off and not David off. Fuck off.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Shoplifters of the world
Unite and bend over

If I go to Hell... Excuse me, let me rephrase that. When I go to Hell, I'm sure the Great Lake of Fire will come in the form of a supermarket. You cannot honestly tell me you don't feel that the inside of any given Wal-Mart, Ahold, Tesco or De-fucking-laize is not the viscous vortex, the wretched wormhole to pure evil. The aisles are just narrow enough to make you touch icky strangers. The voice that announces your meat is ready at the butchers, could just as well announce that they are ready to butcher you. Hey you, be a happy consumer. Three bottles of wine, two peanuts for free. Taste our new dog food. Useless shit, now only 9.99!! Get fucked now, pay 55.99 for the rest of your life. And to top it all off: check-out. I was in the basket-isle. The purpose of this isle is to let Übermenschen like myself speed out of this Babylon before the mongoloid mongrels suck us in to their demi-monde for good. Its purpose is not to let semi-dried up eighty year olds fill tree baskets with more rubble than you could find on Ground Zero, September Eleven 2001, 14:00PM; dislocate their osteoporose shoulder dragging it to the check-out before spending the average lifespan of a parrot looking for a one euro centcoins. I was number 38 in line... All of a sudden lady number 37 realised that she forgot earplugs to plug her husbands nostrils, so she wouldn't hear him snore.
"Sorry sir, could you watch my stuff," she said. About three hours later, she came back (I was up to number 34 by now).
"Where's my Boursin, my bananas and the shoe polish I left."
"Woar wfhat?" I spat. "Waim fhorry, m'am, bwut ifts wuude to cut fe laain. Aiif neffa feen woe before."
Okay, the shoe polish will probably explain why I've been on the toilet the whole evening, but I will go trough a lot of shit if it gets my out of a supermarket.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Shell shock
Go and see Western Ireland, it's your last chance

The Guilford four? The Manchester six? Everyone remotely familiar with Irish recent history knows what I'm talking about. Irish men who've been imprisoned for decades after a hoax process. You can see Daniel Day-Lewis excel in "In the name of the Father" portraying the story of these men. Sadly, Ireland found 5 volunteers to eradicate the numerical inconsistancy of the abovementioned list...The Rossport five.The Rossport Five are James Brendan Philbin, brothers Philip and Vincent McGrath, Willie Corduff and Micheál Ó Seighin. These five men from County Mayo were jailed on June 29th 2005 by Justice Finnegan, President of the High Court of the republic of Ireland, for contempt of court. They refused to obey a court injunction forbidding them to interfere with work being undertaken by Shell, who are building a high pressure gas pipeline across land in Rossport to pipe unrefined natural gas from the offshore Corrib gas Field. Three of the five men own land in Rossport: Phillip McGrath has a house in Rossport and Micheál Ó Seighin lives about five miles from Rossport in Stonefield. The government granted planning permission to Enterprise Oil (subsequently taken over by Shell) to build an onshore gas processing plant and to supply it using a high pressure pipeline which runs as close as seventy metres to the houses of some of these men. The men were released from Cloverhill Prison on 30 September 2005, after 94 days, when Shell applied to the High Court to have the injunction lifted. This came after media and political scrutiny of the case.
Strangely, when you ask for ethical investment funds in your bank, Shell will always feature as one of the stocks because they invest a lot in alternative energy. Brits putting energy in chasing Irishmen from their land can hardly be called alternative if you ask me...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sssssssssssssst, it's all so quiet
I even managed to shut up da voices in me head for a moment




Tuesday, October 10, 2006

In Memoriam Paul Hunter
October 14 1978 - October 9 2006

Paul Hunter, the Beckham of snooker, has lost his battle against cancer. Hunter was a three times Masters champion, his last win over Ronnie O'Sullivan - winning 10-9 from 7-2 down - obtained thanks to his girlfriend (and later wife) Lindsey, who gave him a moral boost during the mid session interval. Paul was a half finalist at the World championship in Sheffield in 2003, losing out to Ken Doherty. Daughter Evie Rose was born on Boxing day last year.

Monday, October 09, 2006

More deep thoughts on the political processus
Siegfried Bracke, eat your heart out!

So apparently nobody really lost the elections, and even if they did, the others lost even more or -just as convenient- the others didn't win as much as they said they would. The Nazi's only win a few thousand extra votes in Antwerp and we're celebrating like it's fucking D-day. I've never been so ashamed in my life as when I saw Hugo - look how drunk I can be on national television - Claus saying he was lost for words. Not the way I was, buddy. Please Hugo, either stick to your scribbling or host a reality show on VT4, but if you're the culmination of left wing politics in this country, I'm siding with the Arians... Anyway, nobody seems to realise that still one third of this country would favor a good book burning over the Ghent Film festival (to name but one vaguely cultural experience).

A few hundred votes is enough to turn the average Belgian Joe Schmoe into a potentate, the likes of whom has not roamed these parts since Fernando Alvarez de Toledo, the third Duke of Alva. Let me try and put things into perspective with these words from the secretary of the People who hate people party, Mr. Tommy Tiernan.


"When I was in New York I went to the Space Centre to take a virtual tour of space. It started in Knock (a shit hole in county Mayo, Ireland, the equivalent in Belgium would be Filip Dewinter's asshole, #Bietje#). Then we were in space. There it was: Earth. This blue ball, with no strings, revolving (mind the -r- ,#Bietje#) and flying through space. Even when you're fast asleep: woooooooooooooooooooooosh. You're still travelling through space at an incredible speed. The other planets in our solar system are not nearly that peachy. Covered in dust, rubble and bricks, they've no children, no rabbits... Then we took a look at the other solar systems in our galaxy. Hundreds and thousands of them. With suns that would dwarf our sun. Some of these planets have 19 moons. Nineteen moons: you wouldn't catch a wink of fucking sleep. Then, we looked at the other galaxies in our universe. AND THERE'S MILLIONS OF THEM. Vaster, more gigantic than our one. THEN, we took a look at the other universes. AND THERE'S MILLIONS OF THEM. I'm in tears by now. And then we took a look at the other universes we don't know about, but we fucking know about. AND THERE'S MILLIONS OF THEM. So I realised that, far from being the centre of the universe, far from being important, far from being relevant, nobody knows we're fucking here! ... SO LET'S WRECK THE JOINT!"

Maybe a bit of modesty from our so-called leaders wouldn't be too much to ask...

The Squad

Is there anybody out there?

The book in my hand

Disc Located

April Fools

His masters voice

The Greenback

Flat Earth Society